If I Ruled The World...by Rickie J

The Birmingham Favourites founder would solve the world's problems with cake and put persistent social media moaners in a 'sin bin'.

People are positive

A tricky one to enforce although it means the world of difference in people’s happiness. Government to set the example by changing their language, after all, even the Queen tends to look on the bright side. The media will report bad news in a sombre, constructive, non-scandalous way and make it their business to make people feel positive with contrasting, upbeat news stories.

Anyone who constantly swears or uses social media only to complain rather than offer constructive criticism will be temporarily banned and placed in the sin bin as ice hockey would have it.

Pet allowance

Everyone has the choice of child allowance or a pet allowance. They can live with a pet or put it towards saving an endangered species.

MPs to be civilised

They will only talk about what they are doing or promise to do, rather than what the opposition are up to and we can re-elect a new one otherwise. (see People will be positive, ‘sin bin’ etc.)

There will be quiet coffee shops

Loud music will be banned before 6pm so we can all hear ourselves think while working. And, indeed, converse.

Public Sector to have accountability

The public sector will have the same flexibility to offer their employees holidays and perks as commercial organisations, ie dependent on profitability and targets achieved. There will be consequences for anyone discovered to be losing the organisation money, or I don’t know, paying men more than women for doing the same job. Of course profits will go back into offering the people the council serves better value for their taxes (i.e. cleaner streets, better resources, access to arts and culture, green spaces etc)

Email etiquette

No email auto-responder will ever say ‘we are busy and will respond to your enquiry within 72 hours’. We’re are all busy!

Empty Nests

Commercial buildings will be disallowed from remaining empty for more than two months. I will pass a law whereby owners/landlords have to offer empty space to anyone who needs it (small businesses, small charities, even the homeless where appropriate). A nominal rent will be charged to cover legal expenses, staffing and security costs for short term (month by month) lets and all tenants will need to abide by the regular terms of rental. Local councils will have a small team, accessible to facilitate this.

Wars are settled with cake

Country leaders will settle disagreements with others over cake and coffee. Or tea, rather than guns and killing. Our foreign aid budget will include homemade Victoria Sandwich.

There will be transparency

Taxes will be simplified and tax payers decide where are tax money is spent and I doubt then, it will be spent on overpriced library websites or digging up the same road three times in as many years.

The community has a say on where their tax ££s are spent through online voting.

Help where it’s needed

Benefits will be simplified so that those who do fall on hard-times or are seriously unable to work or take care of themselves, are supported quickly with love and hugs rather than endless forms and wait times.

Those who are able to work and look after themselves, do so, in a job they like doing.

We need to work harder in matching people up to what they love doing, regardless of experience. People can be taught skills, but the not the attitude. I would urge employers to recruit staff on their attitude and personality and less on skills.

Unless they are applying for a job as a brain surgeon, pilot, etc.

Respect the dead

It will be illegal to sit on or vandalise graves, tombstones and memorials.

Head stones will fitted with alarms that will give electric shocks to offenders, that can only be turned off by those maintaining and paying their respects to the departed.  

Work from home

Every employee is able to work from home one day a week, say, after six months with the same employer.

Everyone has to use their right to vote

If there’s no one worthy, there will be space on the ballot paper to vote for any random person. Votes are only counted when there’s a 100% 95% turnout and pubs will remain closed until everyone has voted.

Oh and voting booths will be in pubs, coffee shops, organisations with large reception areas and golf clubs.

Constituencies to be re-divided across the land so they are of similar size. 

Paper serviettes under cake

Banned.

A serviette will be supplied separately but never underneath where it already messy and unfit for purpose.

By Rickie J, Founder & editor of Birmingham Favourites

@BrumFaves @RickieWrites